Having sex with a new person
From getting it on at the first date to waiting till marriage to go all the way — there's no wrong or right way to have sex for the first time with someone. Still, when it comes to having sex with someone new there may be some things to take into. From discussing boundaries and contraceptives to past sexual history and preferred foreplay, a little conversation can go a long way in making your sex life the best it can be.
Whether that means focusing on your breathing or asking to stop for a rest. I might consider picking partners who are good at the conversation but leaving partners who make you feel bad or ashamed when you bring these things up," Skurtu says. When this is the case, Skurtu says it's OK having sex with a new person laugh. I know you don't need me to stress the importance of using protectionbut I am going to stress the importance of packing protection.
I mean, you and your new partner need time to get used to each other's bodies, styles, and preferences. I mean, you're naked, something hilariously awkward is bound to happen before the sex is over, and even if you're just trying to have a casual, one-time hookup, sex with someone new still requires a certain level of trust that's not always easy to give — especially if your sexual history hasn't been the happiest.
Personally, I like to pair a lightly-lined, underwire-free bra or no bra at all with some soft panties. It may not control all your anxiety producing thoughts or prevent all of your anxiety symptomsbut walking is a type of remedy that can actually make a very real difference on your ability to cope with anxiety.
Sex with a new partner: the etiquette
Fortunately, though, there are ways to make sex with someone new awesome. Kissing is also considered "a sensual meditation," since it can reduce anxiety and help you be in the present moment. She also says you shouldn't assume you know how to give oral sex for every new partner. Making out is just a lot more fun for everyone involved if your breath isn't rancid. If they're doing something you really like, tell them. Share your yeses, nos, and maybes," Skurtu says. I know, I know, this one should be a given; but I also know that when you're having sex with someone new, it can be hard not to rush through the pre-sex make out sessiondue to either anxiety or major horniness.
You should not rely on your partner to be the prepared having sex with a new person. And if you're having sex with someone who has a penis, and they're well-endowed or you're using a large toylube is your savior. Everything from excessive stress to depression to rigorous exercise can cause vaginal drynessbut whatever you're dealing with, lube can make sex so much more comfortable. She also recommends talking bout what's worked for you sexually in the past. Also, pay attention to body language and nonverbal cues. Neither of these scenarios are ideal and one is extremely bad.
If you're worried they don't like what you're doing to them, ask them! Additionally, a recent study published by the National Institutes of Health suggests there could be a link between good oral hygiene and reduced risk of contracting an oral HPV infection. However, if you're going on a date and you're feeling anxious about it, I highly recommend you go for a walk beforehand.
He also became sexually abusive over time, and sexually assaulted me on more than one occasion, so having sex with someone new after all of that was both freeing and frightening. So if your partner is doing something you don't like, tell them.
To learn more, Bustle asked Angela SkurtuM. Louis-based sex therapist and podcaster, her tips for making first-time sex with a new partner a fun and healthy experience. I understand how satisfying a quickie can bebut when you're having sex with someone new, starting off slowly is usually the best bet.
Plus, it sure beats awkward silence. In my experience, limbering up pre-sex just makes the whole night far more comfortable.
So going hard and fast from the beginning will probably not be the ideal move for the both of you. In a medically-reviewed post, they said: "Walking works, and it works well. Additionally, according to the findings of a recent scientific research review that was published on ScienceDirect. On top of that, if you're sexy time turns into an adulthood sleepover, you'll have a great way to deal with your morning breath.
But I'd urge you to slow down, and make out for as long as you can stand it. You should both be trying to get each other off, of course. You may not end up needing a fresh pair of undies, but you definitely won't regret being prepared.
Having sex with someone new
If they don't have protection on them, you're either going to have to halt sexing to go get some, or you're going to end up having unprotected sex. Your new partner will appreciate it, and there are ways to do so while remaining sensitive to your new partner's feelings. If you're turned on but having trouble getting wet, lube can help with that, too. You can use text to discuss some of these things without as much worry," Skurtu says. According to this review, people — and women in particular — who feel good about their bodies typically report having more positive sexual experiences.
She says awkward moments can become flirtatious moments when we let go of the expectation that sex has to be perfect. I've also added a few of my tried-and-true and medically-backed tips for easing those first-time nerves. Because if your focus is on the big finish, you probably won't enjoy yourself during the act nearly as much as you could; and people with vaginas, in particular, don't necessarily orgasm as easily as people with penises.
Dirty underwear is bad for your vagina — it can make you itchy, or give you a rash or infection — and having sex with a new person going commando just isn't a feasible option. Plus, kissing — even when it's not sexual — is a bonding behavior for human and nonhuman animals alike.
But I find that this tip is particularly applicable to having sex with someone new. Hopefully, deploying the above tips already has you feeling super relaxed. Stick to lingerie that you feel both sexy and comfortable in. Even if you can orgasm during sex, don't let orgasm be your main goal.
Again, this applies to everyday life, too. So even if you don't think you'll need it, toss a small bottle of lube in your purse before you embark on your next sex adventure.
Plus, foreplay can increase arousal for all genders; and it can even replace penetrative sex altogether, if you want it to. You can certainly talk about what you like in bed without talking about who you've liked in bed — and you should. In fact, I highly recommend walking to cope with any type of anxiety you may be dealing with, sex-related or not.
17 tips for sleeping with someone new
Honestly, this tip isn't exclusive to having sex with someone new. In case they're not enough to chill you out, though, listen to your body. Skurtu tells Bustle she encourages both verbal and nonverbal communication during sex. Well, you just never know how creative you and your partner might want to get with positions. This is basically just a good way to live your life, because if you feel good in what you're wearing, it stands to reason that you're going to feel more confident and relaxed overall. You're also under no obligation to share these details unless you want to, because your past is, well, yours.
7 things to do before you have sex with someone new
I know it's hard, but try not to focus on what you look like too much. Additionally, Skurtu suggests talking and cuddling both before and after sex. Focusing too much on your looks will probably take away from your enjoyment, and there's just no reason.
So pack a spare pair. Sometimes, sex is funny. But it's OK if neither of you can orgasm during sex.
I get that this item doesn't apply if the sex you're having is totally spontaneous. Whatever you need to do to relax, your partner should understand.
Sex with a new guy
During the months following our breakup, I mostly had a lot of fun sleeping with new people; but I also found that, as fun and exciting as having sex with a new partner can be, it can also be kind of stressful. While this isn't always the case, most people don't like being compared to past sexual partners, or hearing about how many sexual partners you've had before them. Plus, it's generally a good idea to change your undies at least once a dayif not more. So make sure you're being sensitive about your partner's feelings, and don't feel obligated to share these details from your sexual history unless you and your new partner are comfortable discussing them.
For me personally, walking helps calm any nervousness I might have, without wearing me out like a trip to the gym would.
She suggests practicing your pre-sex conversation beforehand, or even having the conversation via text first if that helps. If they don't, then get out of there! I'm not suggesting you shouldn't try to orgasm, and I'm certainly not suggesting your partner shouldn't try to help get you there. And keep in mind that natural fabrics, like cotton or bamboo, tend to be the best options for sensitive skin. So do the mental health experts over at CalmClinic. Years ago, when I broke up with my first serious boyfriend — who I'd been in a relationship with for nearly four years — he wasn't just a guy I dated for a long time; he was the first guy I ever had sex with as well.
If you're using condoms, lube will prevent your vagina from being rubbed raw. Personally, I've actually found that laughing with a partner during sex can make me feel closer to them. And the yoga? You can also check out this article to learn more about how to relax during sex. So just be prepared.
This person is having sex with you, so you already know they're attracted to you. Try a few strokes and see how a partner responds, ask if they enjoy this, if it's too rough, soft enough, etc. Skurtu suggests taking this a step further and discussing with your new partner when each of you were last tested for STIs. She says she even gets in the habit of pointing out the awkward moments and either joking about them or saying it's normal.
It's relaxing, it should help you get wet, and unless your partner is a horrible kisser, it will only make things hotter.
Our new persons
Having sex with someone new can be both extremely exciting and overwhelmingly intimidating.
The question of when and if to have sex with someone for the first time is always going to elicit different answers and opinions from people you ask.